My Funeral - A how to guide/Answers to common Questions

Organ Donation - Yes, assuming anything is salvageable
Cremation or Burial - CREMATION
Who Keeps the Ashes? - Jess, if she declines then Mum and Dad. Shared custody between these people should also be considered. Here the ashes would move on some regular basis rather than 1/2 of them being in one place and the other 1/2 in another place.
How long should they keep the Ashes for? - As long as they like
Who decides when to scatter the Ashes? - The ashes should only be scattered once all close family and friends who want to be involved are ready.

How soon should after death should the funeral take place?
All I'll say is don't feel that you need to rush the funeral.

Where can photos of you be found?
Facebook, various hard-drives (no passwords, you just need physical access), older photos have been backed off onto DVDs, photo albums at Mum and Dad's.

Where can videos be found?
There aren't many videos of me around. There are videos of me pretending to be other people of course. I have a few of these in the a black DVD booklet. You may also like to contact Brendon Udy, Brice Varan, Graeme Bibby, Connor Snedecor, and Peter Haynes if you're interested in short film sort of stuff. The wedding video is on an external hard drive, my oldest desktop's hard drive, and various people have copies of the DVD (Jess, Mum and Dad, Janine and Bruce...)

In-home viewing? Your choice.
Where? If only one location is suggested then use that location. If more than one location is suggested try to decide for yourselves. If you can't decide for yourselves eliminate all options that are not my parent's house or Jess's house. If more than one location remains choose the location that will house the most people (has the most spare rooms). If you still can't decide choose the location that is closest to most of the immediate family.

Death Notice
Before you pay for one of these ask yourself this question: Will anyone find out about my death from the paper alone? If the answer is no please consider using the money for something else unless posting a death notice in the paper aids someone with their grieving process.

Embalming - No preference
Funeral Director to use - No Preference
Venue - No real preference. If a church is used the one Jess and I got married in could be nice as long as Jess is ok with that.
Celebrant Requests - Preferably not a Priest
Religious overtones - Preferably not. Please remember, at this stage I do not believe in god BUT I do believe in church. As such a service that focuses on the strength of community/family for mourners would fit with this (i.e. strength in each other) while a service focussing on strength coming from some supreme being would be less in keeping with my beliefs. That being said if Jess or a close family member does express a desire for some sort of blessing of my body/casket to aid in their grieving process/aid in progression to the afterlife this is fine with me.

How long should the service take?
As long as you like. Don't feel like you have to fit to some prescribed time line.

Do we have to talk?
No. Additionally no pressure to talk should be placed on anyone. If someone tells you they do not want to talk do not try to make them. If they change their mind they will tell you.

What would you like to wear?
Preferably not a suit at this stage.

Would you like to be 'buried' with anything?
Not particularly. If you like you could 'bury' me with a camera card in my pocket - preferably the coin pocket in the right hand pocket of a pair of pants (this is where I usually keep them). You could load anything personally meaningful onto this card (they will take any files, not just camera files). You might like to create a private folder where you could load things that you don't want other people to have access to and a public folder containing things that you don't mind other people being able to read. You could then share the items in the public folder amongst yourselves. This could be done using camera cards or something more practical. If you do include a camera card in my pocket copies of any speeches planned for the funeral as well as any other relevant funeral material would be greatly appreciated.

What would you like us to wear?
Whatever you feel comfortable wearing (I mean emotional comfort here)

What is your favourite colour?
Pretty much anything that's bright

Are there any songs that you would like played?
Nothing springs to mind at the moment

Favourite Music?
Foo Fighters and the Feelers have been long term favourites.
If you can find some acoustic stuff you might find something you like.

Do you have any special requests for the funeral?
Not at this stage

Do you want the funeral videoed?
I'm not bothered. This is a question to ask yourselves. You may like to ask the Humphreys and/or Tongs if they would recommend doing it.

Mortality - On Wills and Funerals

2010 was a good year and a bad year. While there were a number of weddings, including my own, there were also 2 funerals. These 2 funerals highlight the fact that bad things can happen at any stage and quite unexpectedly. In fact the two funerals that I'm talking about both took everyone by surprise.

While I have been surrounded by the idea that talking about death, including your own death, is quite good for the past few years I am yet to do so convincingly. While I have considered writing down what I want included in my funeral, my views on organ donation, burial vs. cremation etc. I am yet to do so. The reasons, or perhaps excuses for this, are wide ranging. Under the surface there are probably some nerves about confronting the possibility of my own death but, the reason that springs to mind, is that this wish-list could get lost, destroyed, or mis-remembered by loved ones.

The solution that I have settled on is to post those wishes on this blog. While this may seem an unusually public place to post such information I believe that the benefits outweigh the costs.

Perceived costs:
- A blog post is too public
While this is true of a major blog this is not true of this blog. While, in theory, anyone can find this page chances are that virtually nobody will find this page. The internet is a big place and this blog doesn't even have the hint of a following.

- People will know what I'm worth to them if I'm dead
While this is true I will only be worth something to close friends and family

- Use of Informal and Vague Language
While this is probably a disadvantage from a legal perspective I am not writing these posts for lawyers. I am writing them for friends and family. I have faith in their ability to interpret my words in the way that I intend for them to be interpreted.

- Misinterpretation
While my words may be misinterpreted such misinterpretation should be reduced through discussion of the posts with friends and family. This reduction should take place in 2 ways. First by having the discussion they will be able to clarify what I meant in their own minds. Second, in having the discussion, I will become aware that something I have written needs further clarification. I will then be able to provide this clarification by updating the post.

- Hacking
Again this comes back to a question of motivation. At this stage, from a financial standpoint, I'm not worth enough for someone to 'hack' my blog and change my post-mortem wishes. While this does leave me open to people who will do it solely for fun it still seems to be a relatively low risk. As this blog isn't particularly popular it is unlikely to be found and is unlikely to be an enticing target as a result.



Perceived Benefits:
- Ease of Access
To view these pages friends and family will not need log-in details. They will all be able to access it independently and confirm the content for themselves should they feel the need.

- Ease of Updating
As I'm around computers with internet access a lot when I change my mind about something or want to add something I will be able to do so myself.

- Use of Informal and Vague Language
This is the sort of language we use on a day to day basis. This is the sort of language that we understand naturally. Vagueness, if present, should prevent anyone taking advantage of specific wording as the alternate interpretation should be available for anyone who disagrees.

- The start of a discussion
Should friends or family stumble across this they will probably talk to me about it. This is a strength in that I will be able to answer any questions they may have and, as they have found the posts and spoken to me about them, they will be more likely to remember my wishes if anything does happen and they will be likely to remember that my wishes are readily available.

- Immediacy
Again this is related to the ease of access. As individuals will be able to access the information themselves without having to consult a go-between they will have immediate access to my wishes in what is likely to be a difficult time.

- For the time being, a proper will seems unnecessary
As an individual I don't own a lot of things nor am I worth a lot of money. I have no children and my relationships are fairly straight forward. I have no specific views on what should go where/to who, only general ideas on how I would like people to behave regarding each other and my property in the event of my death. In fact, at this stage at least, the former concerns me more than the latter. Ultimately I trust in the judgement of my friends and family and want to provide them with a rough guide of my wishes rather than a hard-line set of instructions. In fact at this stage the funeral related wishes are likely to dominate and will probably cover simple things that people may be unsure of.

This post does not represent my will or my wishes regarding any funeral arrangements. Information on these things will be published in subsequent posts. This post simply contains information on what I perceive the costs and benefits of this approach to be.

Wedding Photos - April 2011

Wedding photography from Patten Makers Photography